The Three Dead Men 10 03 2018
"Welcome dear friends, welcome to our happy little gathering here this evening. Good company and good wine - what could be better? Of course, we don't know how many happy times there'll be in the future but I think I'm right when I say that for every man here round this fire, both hunter and climber, the good times outweigh the bad."
Then, he raised his glass. "A toast!" he said. "To our good times." Everybody repeated the toast and drank.
"However," he continued, "I want us all, in turn, to talk about one of his bad times, when things didn't go right. With your permission, I'll start as the host. I should make it clear that what I am about to say is true, even though you might not believe it. I don't want to die without getting it off my chest.
There were five of us that fateful day, mountaineers and hunters. It was getting dark and we were all tired. Our leader said we should pitch camp and rest for the night. "Early start tomorrow boys," he said. "We're going to knock off that cliff." He ordered me to take two pails and get water. The others were to help him erect a tent. I went down the hill to a little spring and bent down to fill the pails. As I straightened up I saw, not a hundred meters away, a large form looking at me. It looked like a huge monster. In the fading light, I tried to make it out. Was it a bear? Terrified, I managed to duck behind a large rock. My heart was beating over time. I couldn't speak or cry out for help. The beast came slowly towards me until it was only 50 meters away. Gradually it approached the rock and began sniffing around it. Dear God, why had I left my gun with my friends? I was at its mercy. Please make it quick - please! Now I could feel it's hot breath on the back of my neck. Surely the end was near! Then suddenly, it turned and shot off past the spring and into the night. Why? Well, I don't know but the next thing I knew was that I was in the tent surrounded by my friends. One of them said I must have met the black bear seen wandering around earlier. Yes, the leader agreed, the bear had two cubs with her. They're very protective of their young. This guy was lucky."
The host lapsed into silence, reflecting on his lucky escape. One of the companies raised his glass. "Here's to your lucky!" Amid much laughter, the toast was repeated by everybody. "Was that story true or did you make it up?"
"It was true as I'm sitting here with you now. Unless of course, I'm a ghost! But I can't be, can I? After all, dead men tell no tales!". When the uproarious laughter had died down, "it's your turn now." He nodded to one of the companies.
OK, but you won't believe this, the man said. "One day a friend and I were in a field. I was chopping wood and he was preparing some fish we'd just caught for our dinner. Suddenly a huge wild boar appeared from nowhere and charged me. Unlike you I had nowhere to hide. I could only stand my ground and fight. I jumped out of the way the first time but it turned around and charged again. This time I hit it on the head with my axe but that only made it angrier. Believe me, a wounded wild boar isn't something you'd want near you! But I was lucky. It had had enough and ran away. I ran after it hoping to finish it off. It was losing a lot of blood from its wound and was weakening. Gradually it collapsed, exhausted. As it died my pal came running up." Sorry", I said to the boar," it was either you or me." We returned to the camp and the fire and had our dinner. Then we turned in. My friend thought I'd died, but as you can see I'm still in the land of the living!"
"Well, we're all glad of that," said the host, raising his glass.
Everybody raised their glasses and said cheers.
The third man now spoke. "In my salad days, I not only hunted game but also women. I was a notorious womanizer, even if I say so myself. No skirt was safe from me! Locals called me Don Juan but I'd never heard of him. There was one woman, in particular, I lusted after. She had a great figure and wonderful dealing, lustrous eyes. I thought she was a divorcee but I didn't care. I knew nothing of her background or what she was like, I just wanted her. I often told her I loved her but she spurned my advances. Of course, I wasn't the only man who fancied her. She had plenty of other admirers. Her charms attracted me like moths to a flame. Over the years I've not gone short but the one I really wanted to ignore me! One day I cornered my angel in the street. "Why don't you even give me the time of day?" I asked. "For two long years, I've been trying to get to first base with you. Nothing! What's your problem?"
"Look, I'm not interested, OK? Just leave me alone. You're a real pain in the arse, do you know that? If you don't, I'll scream."
"No, please, not that. Everybody knows me here. What will they think of me?"
"Alright, I won't scream. But I'm warning you. Stay away from me." She pushed past me and strode away. But I was crazy for her and wouldn't heed her warning. It was like I had a disease. I followed her and again blocked her path. "Just tell me why you're not interested and I'll leave you alone."
She looked at me and gave a big sigh. "Follow me," she murmured. She led the way to Macdonald's. We took our colas upstairs and sat in a corner away from prying eyes and flapping our ears. "You say you love me. Why?"
"Well, " I replied, " you're very beautiful. I can't get over your lovely eyes."
"I wish I was ordinary looking. I meant what I said about leaving me alone. I'm not your kind of girl."
"Oh don't say that. I'm really happy just chatting here with you. At last, we have some connections. I'm sure we've got a lot in common. You know, I'd like to marry you."
"Marry me!? Ha! Are you crazy? If I'd wanted to marry you, I'd already have done it, in the five years since my husband got killed!"
"Oh God, I'm sorry. I thought you were a divorcee."
No, I'm not. One of his friends killed him. He wanted me so thought he'd do away with the obstacle in his path. Somehow I feel responsible even though I wasn't a party to the murder and knew nothing about it. I just don't want to be the cause of another death."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if we married then who's to say reproached won't kill you? You've been hitting on me. Who's to say you wouldn't have wanted my husband out of the way if he was still alive? Just how far would you have gone to have me?"
"Now you're being silly," I reproached her. " I'm a very good hunter and an excellent shot. I can deal with any admirers."
"Huh, don't you believe it. Anybody serious could catch you unawares."
"Look, I can look after myself and you as well. We could go off and live in another town. I could chuck my job and set myself up in an office. You could work with me. That'll mean I can protect you and keep you from lustful glances."
I thanked her for her company and asked if I could see her again.
"No," she replied, " I can't promise you. And don't tell anyone about me. I'm off now. Please give it five minutes before you leave. I don't want us to be seen together."
With that, she got up and left. I ordered a burger and cola and followed suit when I finished. I couldn't get her out of my mind, I didn't know what was exactly going on in her heart -those eyes, that figure! I really wanted to marry her. I was in doubt. Was her husband really killed! Was he engaged? I couldn't find out. I was approaching my car when a Toyota pulled up next to me. There were three men in it and two had hoods on. They quickly grabbed me and manhandled me into the vehicle, putting a sack over my head as they did so ordered me to keep quiet..
"Who the hell are you," I cried. "What's going on?"
"Shut up! Didn't you hear me?" One of them punched me in the face.
I was in the back seat flanked by the two hooded men. As we sped along I hoped we'd stop at traffic lights and I could jump out and make a run for it and shout.
"We're here," said the driver. My arms and feet were tied and I was roughly shoved out of the door and onto the ground. The sack over my head was removed. We seemed to be on a deserted country road. I tried to cry out but couldn't. One of my back seat captors punched me in the face. "Who are you?" he demanded. He punched me again and again and repeated the question. The other one kicked me in the back and, bending down, robbed me of all my money. Now both of them beat me. "Just answer our questions," they shouted. "Who are you? Why were you talking to that woman?"
"Do you want the truth?"
"Of course we want the bloody truth, you bastard."
They started to hit me again. I tasted my own blood and felt a tooth crack.
"As best I could, I told them that was the first time she and I had spoken. I told her I love her and I wanted to marry her. One of them went over to the car and came back with a big piece of wood. He smashed that across my back. I tried to get the registration number but I couldn't see it properly.
"What else did you tell her?" He hit me again.
I ached all over. I just lay there motionless. "Please don't hit me again," I pleaded. "I'll tell you everything. I told her I loved her."
"And what did she say to that?"
"She said she wouldn't marry me."
One of my tormentors walked back to the car and talked to the driver. He returned with a shovel which he used to hit me. I was then dragged some 100 meters down the road. Just to the side was a pit. They threw me in there and, ignoring my screams for help, started to fill the pit with earth. Soon only my head was visible above ground.
"Now listen to me. You've been lucky. We're not going to kill you but we will next time if you don’t drop that gorgeous. "They then drove off.
I was buried with just my head showing for 48 hours. I thought I was going to die - starvation, thirst or a wild animal like a wolf. I must have passed out because the next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital. They kept me there a month till I was well again. When I was discharged I went looking for the woman again but she'd vanished. That was 15 years ago. I still haven't worked out who the thugs were. Her brothers? Her husband's murderer's friends? Was she married? Was she engaged? Why did she report me to them?
"Painful, very painful, and in more than one sense," said the host. "Do you still love her?"
"Yes, I don't know why but I do. I think about her every day but I don't even know if she's alive."
"Forget her. Be happy. There are many stupid people in the world." He put more wood on the fire. "We drink to show we're still alive. So, let's open another bottle!"
KZ
